For 25 years now I keep having these existential crises where I start questioning everything in my life, decide my current cirumstances are why I'm miserable, and then completely change everything up and take a new direction. The entire process is always so draining and depressing. But I feel like it made sense to have these episodes when I was younger and still finding my place in the world. Now I'm almost 40 and still going thru them every couple of years, or sooner. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

I'm going to die soon, whether by my own hand or god's. The thought terrifies me now, but it is a fate that cannot be avoided.